Kindness

Y'all, this is my 16th year teaching, and I have noticed there is a lack of kindness among staff and students this year more than ever. AND it's not just my school!! I've heard it from my mom, people at the store, on the radio, and all kinds of places. So it got me to thinking. Why such a lack of kindness this year? 

Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Being friendly simply means saying hello when you see someone in the hall. Being generous can be as small as sharing half of your Oreo! Being considerate can be showing grace without sarcastic comments to someone who is simply trying to help. 

There will always be excuses and pressures as to why it's not eastern be kind. Are there too many state tests? Yes. Are there too many end of year activities? Always. But, aren't we called to live in the present and not on a countdown? 

Don't get me wrong ~ I'm excited about summer break and looking forward to time off from school. I'm praying God leads me to the right job at the best school. But right now I'm called to be where I am and show love. So join me in pressing on and showing kindness by being friendly, generous, and considerate. I'd love to hear how and when you see it! ❤️❤️❤️

Merry Month of May

The month of May has changed for me. 

Last year on May 13th, 2015, I almost lost my life to a DVT and PE. Thankfully, a doctor named Tex Cabaniss saved me. I had NO IDEA how serious it was at the time and I know that was God's protection. If I had known, I think I would have freaked out and it would have made it hard for my body to stay calm. I was in so much pain and oblivious to the seriousness. All I cared about was when my next pain meds were coming and if I could have coffee with my breakfast. TRUTH. 

As of April 13, 2016, the clot is back in a smaller form. Today I saw my doctor and found out I am on Xarelto for "probably" life. I have a check up appointment and leg ultrasound in 3 months. I've been told to put my bed on bricks to elevate my leg. I must wear my compression stockings and supportive (not as cute) shoes. BUT, there are lots of things to be thankful for too. I'm not in the hospital. I don't have to be on a heparin drip. I can walk and exercise. It's okay to have a drink as long as it's just one every now and then. I have a doctor who is wicked smart and kind nurses. I am thankful that God saved my life last year, and one little non-occlusive clot is not going to stop me from being who I am this year. 

My sweet encouraging sister, Amber, sent me the quote on the right to me today after my appointment. I so needed it. My previous post talked about intentional discomfort and just to show how "uncomfortable" I was, I didn't even post it on FB like I usually do. LOL! Seriously y'all, I got scared. I feel like a middle schooler in some ways, a kid in some, and a middle aged woman who longs for who own family in other ways. This is a strange time for me. I am waiting for things. It's no secret I am looking for a new job. I thought I had one in the bag in March, but God had other plans. In April, I was offered a job, then they had to resend because of the district. 

So, now I wait. 

It's also no secret I am not getting any younger. I am as single now as I was when I turned 21. Life is not meant to be lived alone and I pray for the day I will get to share it with someone.

Until then, I wait. 

In the waiting time, I have been blessed with sweet support. My mom, Amber and Scarlett have encouraged me, prayed for me, listened to me vent, read my long text messages asking for help and have loved me JUST AS I AM. That is huge to me. They have let me be myself and figure out what the heck is going on in my life. Amber takes pictures for B Love Photography, buys my dinner, gives me massages and provides a refuge at her home in Spring. Thank you, Amber. Mom has made Sundays better because I go to church and lunch with her. When I ask Millie on Sunday mornings, "Are you ready to see Grammy and Bud-Bud?", she runs and jumps like a little bronco. Thank you, Mom. Scarlett has cooked me dinner, listened to me rant, let me bring Millie over, and been there to make me laugh. Thank you, Scarlett. 

And then of course, there is Millie. She is the sunshine in my day. I love that pup more than I can explain. She is a snuggler and I so need snuggles. She is a fun dog that makes me laugh and I need laughter! She is my friend and I need a good friend right now. 

Love,

Brandee

Intentional Discomfort

A lot of things bring me comfort: Millie, coffee, flowers, hugs and naps. This week in counseling I was challenged to find "intentional discomfort" in my life. 

I was asked two questions:

1) Who is the real Brandee? 

2) Am I brave enough to show her to other people? 

YIKES!

So I am on a mission - I am looking for ways to be intentionally uncomfortable in my life. Thankful I have Millie to come home to during this time! 

Love,

Brandee

"Your body is just special..."

Based on my blog title, you might think I'm going to pull an Elisabeth Elliot on you, but I'm not. If you don't know about EE, she was an amazing author and missionary, but in college her book, Passion and Purity, became like a religion. Check out more here.

 Amazingly, this is a direct quote from my sweet sister, Amber! And y'all it's so true. My body does its own thing...it does not follow doctor's rules. If a medicine is going to have an unusual side effect, it will probably happen to me. 

So this Monday, I woke up in the middle of the night with leg pain that felt oddly familiar. It was like a Charlie horse, but more intense. The only other time I felt that was May 13 when I went to the ER for a DVT (deep vein thrombosis). Thanks to the advice of our amazing school nurse, Merrie, I called the doctor Tuesday and explained what happened. They arranged a leg ultrasound right away. I went in at 3:30 p.m. and I was told by phone everything was clear. When I went in today the nurse practitioner said something different...I do have a blood clot, but it's not blocking anything. SO thankful! The official paper work (that I don't really understand) is below...

Official Paperwork 

After being called a "starter" when I proudly showed my tattoo at the Teen Book Con author reception, I've been thinking about the new tattoo I wanted. Sadly, I missed my tattoo window for now, but Amber said it just gives us more time to design it. :-) You can't get tattoos while you're taking blood thinners, and starting tomorrow, I'll be taking a 21 day dose of Xarelto while my d-dimer is being processed. I still don't know exactly what a d-dimer is other than that it tells how well my blood is or is not clotting. The good news is that I don't have a blockage; I don't have to be hospitalized; I don't have to have Coumadin blood levels read every week; and I have a great doctor and even better nurse practitioner! So there's a lot of good news. The not-so-good-news is that I have to get back on blood thinners and they have no idea why the clot formed. My last ultrasound was clear in August. So the way I see it is that this is one chance to have faith while I'm in a waiting time.

And of course no post is complete without Millie. This sweet girl got a bath last night and then slid in the mud today on our walk, but I don't mind. She is such a snuggle bug and I am INCREDIBLY thankful that she is part of my life!! Just look at her face - it's pure love. 

Thanks for reading - I'm realizing this is a great way for me to process what is going on in my life. 

Love,

Brandee 

Quiet

Right now my life is quiet. I'm thankful. Since my DVT and PE on May 13th last year, my life has been loud and demanding. Constant doctor appointments, specialists, and blood work take time. 

I find the quiet strange though...there has been so much and now, stillness. Not just with my health...moving, struggles at work, taking an 8th grader in, letting her go, medical bills, more counseling, dealing with my past, and forgiving others. In a world where busyness is a badge of honor, I feel left behind sometimes, BUT I don't want busyness to define me. So I'm going to sit on my porch, read, have awkward silence, go for walks, have dinner with friends, see my family and snuggle with Millie because maybe God is using this time to heal me. 💗 

New Life

Easter is all about New Life. In Texas we can plant flowers and enjoy spring weather...it's been just beautiful the past several days. It's a beautiful visual and reminder of life! Earlier this year I claimed this would be a year of rest for me; however, it's been anything but that up to this point. That's why I'm so thankful God gives us visuals like flowers, greenery and sunshine. Y'all, He is doing something New in me. 

Easter is a symbolic time for me this year because just like Jesus rose from the dead and defeated death, Jesus is defeating enemies in my life. Enemies like guilt and shame. These guys have been in my life for too long - they've overstayed their welcome by years. Seriously, years. Guilt and shame are funny creatures- they take the appearance of what they need to in order to survive. That's why they're hard for me to recognize sometimes. But man, oh man, they bring death. Death to relationships, death to friendships, and death to self-confidence. Praise God that Jesus defeated death on the cross. These guys can no longer have control over me. They try, but I'm on the lookout and claiming life. 

So this Easter I will celebrate the New Life Jesus is bringing me. I'm blessed and thankful that He is drawing me closer to Him. Whether I stay in my town home through my lease or God provides someone to come in...whether I struggle to find a church home or make one right away...whether I can pay my medical bills or have to ask for mercy...God is with me and He is doing something New. I'm ready.

Good Friday

I'm thankful for many things today. I am loving spring weather and long walks. Blue bonnets are a bonus! Plus, thankfully, my meds are finally back on track- the yucky ones are out and the good ones are working again. My mom and I have been experiencing a great healing in our relationship. Amber sends me quotes, images, verses and prayers. Scarlett sends pics of the kids and they're coming tonight for a slumber party with Aunt B! 

God is faithful and I'm so quick to forget. I still haven't found anyone to take over my lease, but I am trusting God's hands. He can use the hardest things to bring us closer to Him. Look at Good Friday- Jesus died on the cross and the disciples thought the story was finished. BUT GOD... was not finished! He was faithful to bring life and restoration to His Son and ultimately for us. 

I don't understand how God can love me so much, but I sure am thankful! I know that if He can do this miracle of New Life in Jesus, then surely He can and will provide for me. It may not be the way I see best, but thankfully He knows exactly what I need. 

The Anxiety Monster

I've lived with depression most of my life. For many years, I took ballet and I can still close my eyes and hear the record (yes record) start our plié warm up. Once I heard the needle hit the record, I knew I would be okay. This week I faced a new monster, anxiety. It's a sister to depression, but much scarier.

See, I've been trying new antidepressants to avoid unwanted side effects and thought I had a winner. Unfortunately not. My most recent antidepressant put me through a "chemical shitstorm" as a trusted friend calls it. I've lived through this the past several days and it is not for the faint of heart. I have way more respect for my sister, Amber. When I shared with my psychiatrist today about this feeling of fear, she agreed. Dr. Sauer said that anxiety is harder to deal with in many ways. Having experienced both, I have to say that I emphatically agree. 

Thankfully my sister, Amber, recognized something going on in me. She sent me to my mom's first and my mom took great care of me. Then, Amber and Andrew loved me so well...they just let Millie and me hang out and be, not easy when you come from a "fix it" family. I'm still recovering and praying these meds pass through my system quickly. I'm going back to a safe and trusted med where the main side effect is weight gain. I'll take weight gain over this level of anxiety any day! 

For all those that struggle with anxiety I feel for you. I know I'll still have moments of anxiety as most of us do, but I pray it doesn't haunt me as I wake up and go to bed each day, and I pray the same for you. 

Love, 

Brandee 

Loss

This is a tough post to write, but writing has become therapeutic for me. 

I was in Austin this week at SXSWedu and enjoyed hearing great speakers like Temple Grandin, but part of me felt disconnected. Yesterday I realized the hotel I was staying at in Austin was the one my dad and I used to stay together at during our summer Texas Tours. He loved Austin, so I did too. We have lots of family memories walking the UT campus and visiting the Capitol. For the Texas Tours I took with my dad, we would pack up and drive to West Texas to see family and then do something fun along the way home. I don't talk a lot about my dad, but my heart hurts for him. He has three daughters that love and need him, but he doesn't know how to receive that love or be there in a loving way, so right now our relationship is broken. 

Here's a view from the hotel- it was right on Towne Lake so it was beautiful. 

We always visited the Capitol and stood on the star to hear our voice echo. 

Honestly, if you asked me 10 years ago where I would be, my life is not where I thought it would be. I thought I would be married, out of Houston and with at least one or two kids, but God had other plans. 

This was my first conference without Rich by my side- I didn't go to any conferences last year because of health reasons, so I didn't think about it. And even though we haven't been together for awhile, this week felt lonely without him by my side. I kept seeing things that made me think of him or something I wanted to tell him about from a session. Like this art...he would have loved it. Even though it reminded me of him, God still used it to comfort me because God is creative. 

I'm also mourning the loss of my home and neighbors at Woodvine Park. I knew they watched out for me and there was always someone to talk to; now, my neighbors close their garage doors and go inside for the night. And even though I knew that my home was not the best place for Lily and vice-versa, it's hard to go home and walk by her room. I'm praying for favor with my landlord to understand and open the doors for a new home. 

Really, I'm just looking for God to do some new things and show up in BIG ways. I need a fresh start. A fresh outlook. A fresh heart. A fresh pair of eyes. A fresh look at all the great things God has done for me. 

I'm giving myself permission to feel and be sad- something I denied myself for most of my life. It hurts. 

In the midst of emotions, I'm thankful for the sunshine in this cloudy time---a sister that opens her home as a refuge, the Tromps, including my sweet niece and nephew, healing between my mom and me and the doggies. They all love me so well. 

Sweet doggies, I had food they wanted. ;)

                Love these two! ❤️

My daily prayer is, God you're going to have to get me out of this mess because 

it's too big for me to do anything about! Thanks for reading, 

Brandee 

Love and Beauty

Seventeen years ago I found out my parents were getting a divorce. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Growing up with a family and then having a broken one all at once was a hard pill to swallow- it still is sometimes. 

That year for my birthday, my mom gave me the Hearts and Flowers ring from James Avery, my favorite place to receive a gift from! When she gave it to me, she told me, "No matter what, there is still love and beauty around you." I faithfully wore the ring for many years and then moved on to other rings and it sat in my jewelry box. I pulled it out last year to wear again because it's a powerful visual for me! This past Sunday, I went to church with my mom and she reminded me when and why she gave me the ring. It was a sweet reminder that God has, is and will continue to be faithful to me. 

To quote C.S. Lewis, "They say Aslan is on the move." God is doing new things in my life and reminding me of sweet memories too. He is healing and mending my heart. Like I was prayed for on Sunday, He is wrapping a blanket of peace around my shoulders. Oh how I need it! 

Leap Year

February is a tough month for me for many reasons this year. I've taken some leaps of faith and fallen, but God has been faithful to pick me up and help me continue to walk a path of courage.  

1. It's Leap Year. Eight years ago on February 29, 2008, I met the man I thought I would marry. That same man had a birthday yesterday. We've been broken up for about a year now.
2. I sent Lily home to live with her mom because I learned that my heart wasn't equipped to handle her emotions and baggage. 
3. Even though I haven't talked to my dad in almost four years, I still care what he thinks. 
4. I'm in a huge 3 bedroom town home that is feels isolated and lonely. 
5. New medical bills arrive in the mail every day and my finances are a mess. 

BUT GOD...

1. ...is showing me I don't have to do life alone.  
2. ....is showing me He has healing for my broken heart.
3. ...is showing me He is a good Father.
4. ...is showing me how much he loves me through a sister that sends daily verses, text messages and encouragement to me. 
5. ...is showing me I don't have to worry about tomorrow. 

I have many blessings...

Tactile Therapy in Coloring Books with Prisma Colors!

Reminders of Hope Spelled Out in Bold Letters on a Saturday Morning Walk! 

Millie - a  Dog that Loves Me and Can't Stand it When I'm Away From Her! 

Fun at Work While Fundraising for the Library!

Sisters Who Know Me and Love Me! 

Love,

Failure, gulp.

Today I visited two doctors...one was an eye doctor who does research and ministry through his work and the other was a psychologist who is helping me work through things with Lily. 

Both of them confirmed what God had already been speaking to me...I live my life in fear of failure. No, this is not a new concept for me. I've talked to quite a few amazing therapists about this and yet, I still struggle. 

Dr. Joey, the optometrist, advised that I accept failure as wisdom. He does more than just check eyes - my soul was nourished when I left. Dr. Lee encouraged me to be thankful to God for the chance to make mistakes because it reminds me how much I need Him. 

Y'all, this is tough stuff. After all, I'm not perfect and I never will be. I'm pretty sure the only person that "expects" me to be perfect is me. Amidst all this perfectionism is a driving force of guilt. Guilt that I'm not enough of...a friend, a person, a librarian, a guardian...fill in the blank, depending on the day. Dr. Lee also reminded me that guilt is sadness (Hello self-pity.) BUT godly sorrow brings change. 

2 Corinthians 7:10 says, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorry (GUILT) brings death." 

I want to live in LIFE and not death. I want FREEDOM instead of bondage. I want CONNECTION instead of isolation. I want INTIMACY instead of privacy. I want to LOVE OTHERS FREELY instead of fearing abandonment. I want to BE BRAVE instead of afraid. I want to have HOPE instead of despair. I want to be REAL instead of fake. 

"You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand."

Margery Williams

The Velveteen Rabbit

I'm not sure what the next week or month holds for me, but I'm going to take it moment by moment and accept that it's okay to fail. Hey, I might even learn something along the way. ;-)

 

Silence has never been so loud.

Y'all, I am not kidding. I am "used to" the silent treatment - thanks, dad - but silence since Saturday night with a few occasional sighs, moans and mmm-hmm is all I am getting right now. It's Tuesday night. Praise God for Dr. Lee, my sisters, and my friends for listening to me vent and helping me through this. Even though it's not about me, it's still hard.

See, Lily's birthday was Saturday. Thanks to Amber, we had cupcakes and a photo scavenger hunt for 4 kids plus Lily. (I was getting over a sinus infection and strep throat.) We had a blast and Lily and Carson even ran through the water on a COLD day in Houston. I was prepared with towels and we even stopped for hot chocolate. 

Happy Birthday Time!

Friends at Los Trompos 

Lily's mom mentioned she would take her to dinner on her birthday night...she never showed, called or texted to my knowledge. So Lily and I went out for Korean food and it was delicious. 

I love this picture of Lily because it's raw vulnerability... 

After dinner, I mentioned we would be going to church with my sister, the silence began. Faith and Jesus are both BIG parts of my life. God is the one who put Lily on my heart. She knows that and before she moved in or we proceeded in any kind of capacity, Lily agreed to go to church and be present. But it was painful spending the day with her Sunday. I know it's not about me, but it's still hard. 

I think what also made it hard was the emotional roller coaster of celebration to disappointment to silence. So now, I am using new techniques from Dr. Lee to encourage Lily and be direct. Prayers are greatly appreciated. I am looking for a counselor for Lily but with Medicaid it's limited. I wish that CPS would have stayed involved to check in on us...it feels like I've been left alone with no instruction manual for dealing with this transition. Again, I know it's feelings, but still, it is hard. 

I'm doing self-care. Millie and long afternoon walks are my comfort. So thankful the weather has been sunny and bright! 

So thankful for this pup. 

A much needed reminder of God's beauty and who's really in control.

Thanks for journeying with me. 
Love,

Gratitude

Today I'm thankful for many things...

1. A new therapist who "sees" me

2. A sweet friend who drove Lily home 

3. The kids at SBMS who freely love me and call my name down the hall 5 or 10 times

4. My sisters

5. Millie's love and snuggles

6. Master Sarah & Master Kim 

7. Whataburger  dinners 

8.  Friends who pray 

9. Grace to be me 

These days...

The past week has been a tough one for me. Work stress, health stress, having-a-teenager-in-my-home stress. I'm blessed to have sweet sisters who love, encourage and pray for me. Amber especially helped out by taking Lily Thursday when I was sick and then Saturday to have some fun time together. 

Having Lily here is a blessing but it's also a huge adjustment. Roller coaster emotions, setting boundaries, and sharing a space but feeling alone too. Yes, I'm being extremely vulnerable. I need your prayers and guidance. There's so much more but I trust that God will reveal to those who pray. 

Spanglish

I sit here alone on the couch with the last of our fire and my heart is breaking for the sweet girl that is going to sleep upstairs tonight.

Who knew that sitting down to watch an Adam Sandler movie would draw such emotion? Tonight after a long day, Lily and I sat down to watch Spanglish. Most Adam Sandler movies are hilarious and bring lots of laughter, but tonight we unknowingly picked a movie that would bring up painful emotions for Lily. 

Basically the story is that a young mother brings her daughter to America for a better life, starts working for a wealthy family, live in Malibu with the family for the summer  and then return back to L.A. where Flor's daughter starts attending the "white" private school. The movie is Cristina's letter to Princeton about Flor and the sacrifices her mom made for her. 

Lily does not cry easily and thinks a lot before sharing her thoughts, very similar to me. At the end of the movie, I could see the wheels turning in her head...because how can you watch a movie where a mother gives up everything for her daughter when your own mother has never been there for you? 

I don't know the whole story of Lily's life, but I am beginning to see how much pain she holds inside - I am grateful for the freedom God is bringing to both of us so to express our emotions and feelings and cry together. So if you're a mom, hug your daughter or son extra tight tonight and let them know you'll be there when they need you. They might resist, but inside their hearts will rest secure knowing how loved they truly are. 

Love,

Grace

This face~

My Saving Grace.

On days when life is rough~

This Girl lets me know I am enough.

Her eyes, love and cuddles~

Erase the day's struggles.

Because she is sensitive to how I am feeling~

Her compassion for me is healing.

I couldn't ask for a better guide~

To show me how to love my life. 

Love

Love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties  

Auntie knew right when I needed this video of Ben. It made me cry. He asked why. It's because it made me happy...hard to explain to a three year old. 

At school, I feel like the mother to so many. We have almost 1,100 students and many of them come from broken homes, severe pain, all kinds of abuse, and other things to sad to even mention. Because of working with people like David Truitt and Ted Vierling, I learned that relationships are THE most important thing in education. If a child does not feel safe, loved, fed or accepted, they will not learn anything. So when I had the chance to be a librarian, I knew I wanted the library to be a place where all students felt welcome, loved and accepted. I could go on and on about the reasons, but I just have to think of my time in junior high and that's enough for me. Thankfully, the school welcomed that idea too and has let me love kids freely. 

So much has changed in education since I started teaching, but so much has stayed the same too. Kids still want to have fun with their friends, make connections with teachers and enjoy their day at school. They also love stickers and candy! As the librarian, I see all the kids from sixth to eighth grade. Sometimes they come in on their own and sometimes with their class. Some of the sweetest and hardest moments happen when a student comes to share with me about something difficult. 

Yesterday, at the end of the day, after setting up a projector for an anti-bullying speaker, I walked out to find one of the girls in my coding class looking for her friend in the hall. See, her friend had gone to the bathroom but never returned to class. Sweet Girl asked me to stay with her until she could find her friend. Not even five minutes later I was standing in the girls' bathroom with the two of them with tears streaming down our faces. Sweet Girl is moving back to Mexico and the other cannot handle it right now. So from now until Sweet Girl moves, they are coming to the library and eating lunch, just the two of them, in our student room so they can have some quality time together. 

I love this quote from Katie Davis - it is so applicable to my life right now in so many ways. 

I wish so much that our schools could remember this and focus on the whole child instead of just grades and testing. Honestly, I thought that by getting out of the classroom and moving to the library, I would not have to deal with testing, but when you're in public education, it's everywhere. 

Thanks to people who have made a difference in my life, taught and led me well, I will continue to seek to love kids and meet them where they are at, give them snacks and food from the library fridge, give them hugs, laugh and cry with them, and ultimately give them unconditional love because sometimes the library is the only place they can find it. 

Lily's Homecoming

The Journey 

August 30, 2015 my life began to change and not just because it was my birthday. A friend from church, Debra, called and shared that Lily had been taken out of her home. Lily was immediately placed in the Parker's home for a month. Debra knew I worked at SBMS, where Lily went to school, so she asked if I could bring her home from school everyday. My immediate answer was, Yes. 

See, I've noticed Lily at school since she was in sixth grade. She often walked alone, carried humongous stacks of books and had a sad feeling around her. (I am very sensitive to emotions and have been told by more than one counselor that I am an emotional thermometer.) Every day I saw Lily going to gym I would tell her hello. Sometimes she smiled, sometimes she said hi and other times she kept walking. I could tell she was hurting, so I just kept loving her as much as a school librarian can. 

When I got to start driving Lily home after school, we started to bond. We talked about our days, art, and school. Sometimes she even sang along to the song on the radio. Then she started telling me about her drawings and I was hooked. Lily has so many beautiful stories inside of her. God started tapping on my heart that maybe I could do more than just drive herhome. I saw her at church each week and she started asking to sit with me. God was working on her heart too.

As the fall semester progressed, the month that Lily was supposed to stay at the Parker's turned into two months, then three months. Somewhere in that time, Lily and one of her friends asked to speak me. They asked if I had ever thought about fostering or adoption. I was floored. Since when do eighth graders come to their school librarian and ask such serious questions? That very week, Debra and I had just talked about what it would look like for me to take guardianship of Lily, so I answered honestly and said that I had thought about it. 

But, since when do single women take on guardianship of a young thirteen year old? I wrestled, but God kept working on my heart. Debra gave me one of the wisest visuals. She shared part of her family's adoption journey with me and asked me how I would feel if I saw Lily in photographs or in life with another family. That sealed the deal. I didn't want her in anyone else's photos...I wanted her in mine and my family's. 

So after a few weeks of back and forth, Lily's birth mother signed over guardianship to me. Since I work in the district and at her school, it had to be fully legal. So on, December 6, 2015, Lily came home with me. 

December 6

I was living in a one bedroom condo, but Lily was happy to sleep on the couch. Then came the search for a new home. We saw some great places that were too expensive and then some really scary places. And just in the nick of time, God provided our new home. We started moving the December 26th and it felt like it took forever. We had lots of help from friends and family. I honestly could not have made it without my sisters.

Moving Day

Calling in all forces!

So many people have been generous to us. Lily has a beautiful wardrobe, a headboard, mattresses, bathroom decor and is loving having her own room for the first time in her life. We also got a washer and dryer and help moving it too. It's really starting to feel like home now. Lily loves to eat home cooked meals so I've really been trying to cook at home and eat out less. Amber called tonight and joked, "Every time I call you, you're cooking. Who are you?!"  It is easy to cook for someone who is so appreciative. 

One of the most beautiful things for me to watch is how my family has embraced Lily. She had Christmas presents and lots of hugs. Jenna and Benjamin adore her. Anytime I call they ask for Lily now. Only God could do something so special. 

Christmas Morning

Jenna and Benjamin love Lily.

We've definitely had our ups and downs, but overall, having Lily come live with me has been one of the least stressful things in my life. We were both more than happy to say good bye to 2015 and we gladly welcomed 2016. We celebrated in Spring at Lance's party with Amber and Andrew. It was Lily's first time doing fireworks and she LOVED it. We will always have fireworks on New Years!

New Years Eve Fun!

So that's a little bit of our story. We love hanging out by the fire place. I'm learning about Anime. Lily is learning about rules and chores. We are both learning to love each other. And Millie, how could I forget Millie? I've lost my sleeping buddy because she loves snuggling with Lily each night, but it's okay by me, especially when I get a big hug and an "I love you" at night.

We both love the fireplace!

Lily and Millie