Hope

"Hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every man." ~Victor Hugo

     Somewhere in my first two years of teaching, the word HOPE became very important to me. It wasn't just the fact that I was dealing with 6th and 7th graders either! ;) I had come home from college to a broken home. When I left for SFA, my parents were together, everyone lived in the same house and things were great. Then I graduated and reluctantly came home to a mom struggling, sisters looking for their own ways, and a father who was seriously confused. I had a longing for things to return to how they used to be. I was hoping in the strength of man - my strength, my mom, my sisters and even my dad. None of which is really hope at all. Hope has been hard for me to embrace, but I am beginning to realize that true HOPE comes in God's strength, not mine. 

     So, now HOPE is beginning to have a different meaning for me...HOPE in God and not myself. And yes, that is extremely hard for me to say! Many things have led me here... dealing with endometriosis, depression, counseling, learning how to be in a relationship and receive love, giving and receiving love when it's not deserved, and accepting myself. My counselor Mark challenged me in December 2012 to pray this prayer each day, "God, help me see you for who you are and not who I think you are." Now I add to that, "God, help me see myself for who I am and not who I think I am." Accepting myself is hard uncomfortable. I don't like who I see in the mirror each day, but I am chasing the HOPE that God has not given up on me, so I can hope in Him and not myself. 

A visible reminder of the new hope I have - my tattoo. 

Thanks, Amber for photographing the event and being with me too!